I Don't Want to Die, Mom

Ann Rae Frumkin

by Marla Finn

This July I turn 59 years old. If I live as long as my mother, then I am about to embark on my last year of life.

Mom, you were thequeen of selflessness.You gave up everything for everyone else. My deepest frustration was not being able to get you to see that your mother and sister were sucking the life out of you. Every day, on the phone, you’d try your hardest to get them to listen, think things through, and calm down. It NEVER worked. The medical profession says that stress can cause disease. It's clear in your case that it did.

I refuse to be done in from that kind of “love.” My dear daughters are at me daily with their emotional breakdowns about boys, mean girls, computer mishaps, school, jobs. But I’m not as good a person as you were, mom! I’m selfish. I hate being yelled at, even if only as a sounding board. I give advice and they don’t listen. I want to live longer than one more year.

You’ve now been gone for 30 years. I thought I would never survive, but I have, as well as any motherless child can. Every day I ask myself why they had to kill you. But I have learned from your only mistake...the mistake of loving too much and not being able to say no.

Oh, wait...is that one of my kids calling? I just may be too busy to answer today...


Marla Finn is an actress, writer, teacher, living in Scottsdale, AZ. She is the Co-founder of the Phoenix Film Institute, along with her Emmy Award Winning Producer husband, Peter Stelzer.As an actress, this past season, Marla played "Peg," in the film, "Jake's Corner," and is currently in theaters playing the waitress in the movie, "Sugar."


Editor's Note: For Mother's Day, co-founder Judith Fein wrote about her mama. We decided to check in with our other writers to see what they have to say about the women who birthed them. You may be very surprised. Feel free to leave comments for any of the writers and Happy Mother's Day if you are one, have one, or plan to be one!

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