CONFESSIONS OF A CLAUSTROPHOBIC FLYER

by Nancy King

Sartre was wrong.Hell isn’t other people, it’s flying with a company I will call WeDon’tCare Airlines.

The first sign of trouble came when I printed out my boarding pass and noticed I had no seat assignment even though I’d booked seats for all my flights. I called WeDon’tCare and was treated to: “Our menu has recently changed . . .” and there was no option to speak to anyone resembling a person. Silly me. After listening to too many: “I’m sorry, I don’t recognize . . .” I began to press numbers randomly to relieve my irritation and frustration. Much to my shock, I connected to a reasonable facsimile of a human. I quickly stated my dilemma in case she hung up. “I’m not able to assign you a seat, you’ll have to go to www.wereallydontcare.com and book your seat there.

“I don’t have access to a computer,” I told her.

Not missing a beat, she repeated herself and added, “You can book a seat when you check in.”

“But what if there are no seats available?”

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